Yeah, this photo isn’t from today. Obviously. I shot some images from work tonight (I had a shoot I was art directing for our annual “crush” contest at vita.mn — you can see a similar instagram shot here), but this old shot of Memphis seemed more applicable to my day.
First off, I’ve tried to stop mentioning it on the blog, but I’m still missing my baby girl like mad. I dream about her and wake up expecting her in my arms. I eat at the kitchen table and try not to step on her tail (she loved to nap under that table) and I miss her smell and the softness of her ears so much. And the idea that I’ll never be able to take another photo of her tears me apart.
And yeah, I realize it has now been six weeks. But it’s not like y’all don’t know I’m a sucker for dogs.
Anyway, today I was at work in the middle of the afternoon and I just thought of her and man, I almost cried at my desk. It just washes over me at crazy moments. But I pulled myself together and I moved on. And then tonight after the shoot at work, I found out that my nieces’ and nephews’ dog, Ruby, passed away today. And that is just devastating, both because she was a fantastic and wonderful dog, and also because my nieces and nephews are old enough to know exactly what death is and how horrible it is, and to deal with that at such a young age is hard. Hell, dealing with it at my ripe old age is tough. She wasn’t old and she wasn’t sick — she had a freak medical emergency on Sunday and needed surgery and today she died. And I’m so very sad for them.
And then I was looking through my photos from my last visit to California hoping I had shot a frame or two of Ruby (which I somehow didn’t and I am totally mad at myself for), and instead I found this old image of Memphis that I’d left unedited. It’s from the week after we returned from that California trip, just two days after Memphis was diagnosed with kidney disease. Look at those eyes. God damn I miss that face.